I had breakfast with John Lynch recently, and our conversation turned to something I think many businesses underestimate:
How difficult it can be for managers and supervisors to have difficult conversations with their people.
We promote someone because they’re a good operator, reliable, technically competent and respected by the team.
Then suddenly we expect them to know how to tell someone their behaviour isn’t acceptable, address declining performance, deal with conflict, provide developmental feedback or challenge something before it becomes a bigger problem.
Where did they learn how to do that?
John shared with me a practical framework he uses called the 4 I’s.
What I particularly like about it is that it isn’t a complicated HR process. It’s a structure that helps a manager or supervisor prepare for and conduct an assertive conversation without becoming aggressive.
The four stages are:
I have noticed…
I am concerned…
I need to understand…
I need your commitment…
But there is an important step between the third and fourth I.
You pause, listen and involve the other person in finding the solution.
That may be the most important part of the whole conversation.
1. I HAVE NOTICED…
The first step is about facts.
Describe what you have seen, heard, observed or been told.
For example:
“I’ve noticed you’ve arrived after your scheduled start time three times this week.”
Or:
“I’ve noticed the last three reports have been submitted after the agreed deadline.”
The important thing is to describe the behaviour rather than make a judgement about the person.
Compare that with:
“You’re always late.”
or:
“You don’t care about getting your reports done.”
Those statements introduce judgement and assumptions.
You know the person was late three times.
You know the reports weren’t submitted on time.
You don’t necessarily know that they don’t care.
Once we start attacking someone’s attitude or character, we risk moving from an assertive conversation to an aggressive one.
So, the first question for the supervisor is simple:
What have I actually noticed?
Stick to the facts.
2. I AM CONCERNED ABOUT…
Now explain why it matters.
This isn’t simply about telling someone that you’re unhappy. It’s helping them understand the effect their behaviour or performance is having.
For example:
“I’m concerned because when the reports are late, I can’t complete the monthly management report on time.”
Or perhaps:
“I’m concerned because this is affecting the workload of the rest of the team.”
Depending on the situation, the impact could affect morale, productivity, customer service, safety, other employees, deadlines, or the business itself.
John describes this stage as being clear about why the behaviour is unacceptable and its impact on others in the workplace.
That distinction is important.
We’re not saying:
“You frustrate me.”
We’re saying:
“I’m concerned about this behaviour because this is the impact it is having.”
That keeps the conversation focused on the issue rather than attacking the individual.
3. I NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON FOR YOU…
This is where John’s approach becomes particularly useful.
Before deciding that you know why something has happened, ask.
“I need to understand what’s going on for you.”
Then stop talking.
There could be something happening at work.
There could be something happening outside work.
There could be a training issue.
They may not understand the expectation.
They might be overloaded.
There could be a conflict you’re unaware of.
Or there may simply be behaviour that needs to change.
The point is: don’t assume you already know the answer.
It is important here to use reflective listening to explore the situation and draw out the truth, so that the manager and employee can develop a realistic plan to address it.
That makes this part of the process a conversation rather than a lecture.
And then comes the part that can easily be missed.
PAUSE
Don’t rush straight into telling the employee what they’re going to do.
Ask two questions.
“What are you going to do differently from now on?”
Or:
“How do we prevent this from happening again?”
Then ask:
“What support do you need from me?”
Those questions change the dynamic completely.
Rather than the manager solving everything, the employee is being asked to think about the issue and contribute to the solution.
That creates ownership.
It also allows the supervisor to find out whether support is required.
Maybe the employee needs clearer priorities.
Maybe they need additional training.
Maybe a process isn’t working.
Maybe there’s something the manager needs to do differently.
Or maybe the employee simply needs to change their behaviour.
Either way, we’ve now established something important:
What are you going to do?
and
What do you need from me?
4. I NEED YOUR COMMITMENT TO…
Only after you’ve understood the situation and agreed on what needs to change do you move to commitment.
For example:
“I need your commitment that from now on you’ll submit the report by 3 pm on the last working day of the month. If you think you’re not going to meet that deadline, you’ll let me know beforehand.”
Or:
“I need your commitment that you’ll arrive ready to start work at the agreed time.”
The commitment should reflect the solution you’ve just discussed.
That is very different from:
“Don’t do it again.”
What exactly does “don’t do it again” mean?
A good commitment should make the expected behaviour clear enough that both people understand what has been agreed.
This also creates accountability.
John recommends planning these conversations thoroughly beforehand and, where appropriate, using a template during the discussion. The document can also be provided to the employee as a record of the conversation and their commitment to improve or do something differently.
What about consequences?
This is another area where I think John’s approach is particularly practical.
We don’t necessarily need to threaten consequences during the first conversation.
If somebody makes a mistake and we’re genuinely trying to correct behaviour, jumping immediately to:
“If this happens again, you’ll be put on a Performance Improvement Plan.”
can completely change the tone.
John’s approach is that the consequence generally sits underneath the 4 I’s rather than being one of them.
If the same problem occurs for a second or third time, the conversation can become more serious.
We can refer back to the previous commitment:
“We spoke about this previously, and you committed to having the reports completed by the deadline. I’ve noticed it has happened again.”
You can then repeat the framework.
But now there may need to be a consequence.
Depending on the seriousness and circumstances, this might include moving into the organisation’s formal performance-management process or a Performance Improvement Plan.
John specifically notes that the consequence step is usually unnecessary unless the behaviour has occurred two or three times.
Of course, serious misconduct, safety matters and other significant issues may require a different or immediate formal response.
What the whole conversation can sound like
Imagine a team member has repeatedly submitted their monthly report late.
I HAVE NOTICED
“I’ve noticed the last three monthly reports have been submitted after the agreed deadline.”
I AM CONCERNED
“I’m concerned because when they’re late, I can’t complete the management report on time, and it puts additional pressure on the team.”
I NEED TO UNDERSTAND
“I need to understand what’s happening that’s making it difficult for you to meet the deadline.”
Then:
PAUSE.
Listen.
Ask questions.
Clarify what is actually happening.
Then ask:
“What are you going to do differently from now on so we can prevent this happening again?”
And:
“What support do you need from me?”
Agree on the solution.
Then:
I NEED YOUR COMMITMENT
“I need your commitment that the report will be submitted by 3 pm on the last working day of each month, or that you’ll speak with me beforehand if there’s something preventing you from meeting the deadline.”
That’s a difficult conversation.
But it doesn’t need to be an aggressive conversation.
Assertive isn’t aggressive
This links back to the assertive communication material John also shared with me.
There’s an important difference between being assertive and being aggressive.
Aggressive communication can involve blame, accusations, assumptions and “put downs”:
“You always…”
“You never…”
“You should…”
“You have to…”
Assertive communication allows us to deliver a strong message while maintaining respect for the other person.
And importantly, assertiveness doesn’t mean avoiding the issue.
Sometimes managers try so hard not to upset somebody that the employee leaves the conversation without understanding there was a problem.
That’s not particularly fair to either person.
People need clarity.
The 4 I’s in one simple framework
| Stage | Purpose | Example |
| I have noticed… | State the facts and observed behaviour. | “I’ve noticed the last three reports have been late.” |
| I am concerned… | Explain why it matters and the impact. | “I’m concerned because it’s delaying the management report.” |
| I need to understand… | Explore what’s happening. Don’t assume. | “I need to understand what’s going on for you.” |
| PAUSE & LISTEN | Let them explain and develop the solution. | “What will you do differently?” / “What support do you need from me?” |
| I need your commitment… | Agree on the required behaviour or action. | “I need your commitment that the report will be submitted by 3 pm.” |
| Consequence if required | Address repeated behaviour through appropriate processes. | “We’ve discussed this previously. If it continues, we’ll need to move to the next stage of our performance process.” |
This is what we need to teach supervisors
The more I look at this framework, the more I think it demonstrates something we’ve been talking about for some time.
We can’t simply tell supervisors to manage people better. We must teach them how.
Give them a framework.
Let them practise it.
Help them prepare before the conversation.
Coach them afterwards.
The 4 I’s give a supervisor something they can actually use:
I have noticed.
I am concerned.
I need to understand.
Then stop and listen.
What are you going to do differently?
What support do you need from me?
Then:
I need your commitment.
That’s not complicated HR language.
It’s a practical way of helping supervisors have the conversations that good leadership sometimes requires.
And perhaps most importantly, it allows us to address the behaviour while still respecting the person.
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